One Year Later… 5.9.2016

I cannot believe it’s already been a year.

It took so long to get through these last 366 days, but somehow it is here.  One year since we lost one of the greatest men.  My father in law was like a second father to me, and he was so much to so many people.  Just ask anyone who had ever met him; he had this ability to always be engaged in every conversation and remember all the details of everyone’s lives, and be there to help in any way he could.  He may be helping my husband build a playhouse for our backyard that took 40+ man hours, or helping coach his grandson’s baseball game, or working any one of the charitable acts for Park Lawn and the Special Needs community.  He was planning the Mother’s Day dinner where boys and kids had burgers and hot dogs in the basement, and the moms had a nice quiet dinner of steak and wine upstairs.  He thought of everything, and helped with everything.

And then… Out of nowhere, without warning, he was gone in an instant at 67.  I’ve been thinking all of these things over the course of the year, but havent had the courage to confront them all at once, to write them down.  It’s too hard when I try to be the strong one for my husband, for our kids, for our family.  I have to try to live each day like he did, like each day is a gift.  And it is a hard thing to always be positive.  Really hard.  Something I am really trying to be better at all the time, and he made it effortless.  It’s a work in progress, and there are days that I fail at it, but tomorrow I can try again.

This past year dealing all the firsts without him, Father’s Day, Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, recitals, ball games… it just feels like there is a void.  Anyone who has lost a parent, best friend, close family member, you know it just doesn’t get easier.  You just slowly learn to live with the pain, learn to hold back tears (most of the time).  Learn to talk about the happy moments when you are sad.  Learn to cope and surround yourself with anyone who can pick you up when you need them to.

But in some sense, I know he is with us, still watching over all of us and helping us.  I remember specific things like Michael waking up SO early just to watch his train set Grandpa had given him last year, and as we watched silently, quietly, for 20 minutes (which if you know Michael, that in itself is a miracle!), and then the snow started to fall.  Steve was there.  With my busiest year yet, and under 3 total reschedules for weather last year for my outdoor sessions, unheard of… he had to play a part in it.  He had to.  And for this…

Holy Saturday is always big for the Janiszewski’s.  We all get together after our Easter baskets have been blessed to enjoy company, pierogis, and and easter egg hunt.  It’s always so much fun for the adults and kids, and so lucky to be a part of such a loving family.  And this year Mary Lou had such a wonderful gesture, for all of us to write our names and messages on heart balloons so we could send our messages up to Steve.  <3

Truly heartwarming.   And as the balloons drifted up higher and higher in the sky, up to almost where we coudn’t see them anymore, all the heart balloons formed a heart itself.  How does that happen?!

Steve got his messages and was letting us know.

We miss you.  We love you.  And thank you for instilling so much love in our family.  We know you are with us and watching over us, just like you always did, and always will.

2016-05-09_0001

2016-05-09_0002

no comments
Add a comment...

Your email is never published or shared. Required fields are marked *

:: MENU ::